| Babies. |
[Feb. 7th, 2006|05:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
It's so strange how one day it's like getting married and having kids doesn't seem like such a far off crazy idea. Like I'm too young to think about it. Now I find myself dreaming about it all the time.
My professor had her friend come in and guest lecture to us today, with her 5 month old son. So adorable. I looked around and noticed some of the guys, and even some females, who weren't even that interested. I wonder how they can sit in a room and not smile at such a beautiful little being. All I could think about was how much I wanted one of my own. Not now, obviously, but not that long from now either. I always used to say that I'd be atleast 30 and I'd go back to work right away, never be a stay at home mom. Now I'm not so sure. God damn that baby was cute.
At least I'll have a little niece or nephew within 5 months. July's gonna bring some dramatic change once again. Can't wait to spoil that baby rotten. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 30th, 2006|05:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
Everything is too personal right now to make public. So you may not hear much of me for a while.
But what I do know is that I'm graduating in December 2006 and FREAKING out because I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. Teach for America seems extremely appealing. Gotta get crackin' on these grown up plans.
If I write any more I'll feel like I'm just writing to take up space. What's really going on is more than y'all get to know. Don't take it personal.
Quick update finished, tata for now. |
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| 2006. |
[Jan. 4th, 2006|11:16 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
I haven't written about my New Year's resolutions yet because I feel they're not for the public eye. I have thought about what I wish for this year as far as positive change; and I've come to several conclusions. Yet as a write this, I sensor what I say. I haven't been writing much online because too many of my thoughts are too personal to share with all.
Another fantastic year for growth ahead of me. Embarking upon another 365 days with determination...here we go. |
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| Quick update. |
[Jan. 2nd, 2006|09:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | indescribable | ] |
New years was a blast. Went to New Haven with my girl and spent the night at the Omni. Got ready there, drank a little champagne, then headed over to Hula Hanks for some excitement. All in all it was a fabulous time...oh and the diner the next day topped it all off with food in our tummies.
Now this week is for wind down. Hard to believe I have to head back to UConn in a week. I'm desperatly tempted to quit my job and move back home...how do I get it out of my head? I must be positive about this work, and I will not quit. So back I go on the 10th.
For now, it's a good cup of coffee and an exciting book. I do recommend A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. Absolutely fabulous. Check it out. |
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| exciting. |
[Dec. 19th, 2005|07:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Random Mix | ] |
My heart is with my friends today...all I've seemed to recognize is how upset so many of them happen to be, all at the same time, all about different things. I do wonder the effect of the holidays, but sure it has more to do with personal troubles than anything.
I love you all. My thoughts are with you, you know who you are. Hang in there, life will continue in time and you'll all find strengths you never knew were there. Let yourself feel, don't deny it. But remember the strength that's there. Know you'll make it...and come out better on the other side.
Love you all.
So ran some errands today, but still have yet to make a dent into my Christmas shopping. Discovered a new, amazing gym today that I know will be my push and shove to intensify my workouts. But most of all, I relaxed today. Woke up later, made breakfast (mmmhmmm yummy homemade eggs), read, then took my time headin' out. Not having the pressure of school work is incredible...it's as if all of the stressors that were there a week ago have completely diminished. I could get used to this.
Looking forward to seeing Marissa Thursday, it will officially be my first time out in downtown New Haven. Yes, I am a newbee. And decision to exchange New Year's gifts is amazing...something to look forward to after the hustle and bustle this weekend. Oh, and there's somehow talk now of Montreal next week for a few days with some fine ladies. Can I afford it? Realistically, I shouldn't. But I feel like that's what credit cards are for...and how can I possibly pass this opportunity up? I'll have to think some more about it, few days to decide. Could be a more exciting break than anticipated, however. Love how things always work out this way. Last minute decisions are a rush. |
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| home sweet home. |
[Dec. 18th, 2005|08:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  relaxed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Breathe - Anna Nalick | ] |
Home sweet home.
Sipping tea after a nice, hot shower. About to curl up with Angels and Demons, a novel I have still yet to finish. Happy to be done and excited about this fabulous vaca. Thank goodness all was resolved for my return. Home is at peace as far as the eye can see and it's quiet. Calmness that's been deprived for months. Ahhh time to refresh and renew. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 16th, 2005|02:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
I think the word to describe myself now is tired. I am just tired. So I think I will take a nap, but how much can one seriously sleep without it being counter productive? I think I will sleep for a few days when I go home. Right now, sleep sounds excellent. |
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| Sunday. |
[Dec. 13th, 2005|10:00 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
All papers and projects are done. Now all that's left are my three finals. Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Sunday it's home.
Things seem to be patched up. Had a conversation last night with my brother, first REAL convo him and I have ever had. It was great to speak with him about my concerns and frustrations. Things are clearer now, we see what we need to do.
Princess, we all love you. We love you so much that we can see that you need a help that we cannot provide you. But where is that help? I wish so badly that I had the ability to save you from the pain. All I can do is find out where there is someone who can help you. But most of all, I hope that soon you will see that you need to decide to help yourself.
Looking forward to home Sunday. Less tension, more communication. Love all of you, just wishing this could have been easier.
I'm beginning to wish someone had sat me down before I accepted my job as a CA and told me how time consuming it would be. I made the mistake of thinking that I could manage the Women's Center, school, and CA stuff without slacking on anything. Next year will be wonderful without the stress of looking after. My energy now is being spent in a way that I don't think is most beneficial for my personal goals. So one more semester of this, but can't say I didn't learn anything. Change to come. |
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| good people. |
[Dec. 10th, 2005|09:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
This morning as I was struggling to get my car out of my parking space a man stopped to help me. He pushed me out after offering. There are good, generous people out there. I just love getting to start my day off with them. |
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| vegetableing. |
[Dec. 8th, 2005|07:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
All I really feel like doing tonight is vegging in front of a movie. Guess I could work on school stuff, but making it through today was enough for me.
So I think I'll just lay on the futon for a while and then maybe motivate myself to do work halfway through the movie. Sounds like a plan.
Oh and I just have to comment on the $16,000 that was spent for our school to have Anne Coulter come and deliver a 45 minute rank on democrats and liberals. It says something when a person cannot speak about themselves and only puts others down. Hello, you have no knowlege that could ever have been turned into an empowering public speech. Greta, I side with you in feeling a little sorry for her. |
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| absolutely fabulous. |
[Dec. 7th, 2005|01:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  optimistic | ] |
I love my professor. Not only was she fabulous to begin with, but she just gave us all until Tuesday to finish our projects. My request for patience was just granted. Isn't it funny how the universe works?
Told you I'd be happy before the day was over... |
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| venting. |
[Dec. 7th, 2005|07:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
I love waking up to dirty laundry in the halls, noodles in the sink, and gross paper towels all over the bathroom floor. How people can live this way is quite intriguing in my book. Oh and being woken up at 1am by some idiot running around and a room full of noisy people is just fabulous as well.
I hate waking up grumpy! But my patience is running low with this job. Next semester will be a challenge, but I will do it. Someone bless me with patience please, I seem to need it.
Does anyone else find that when you write (or type) the frustrations down, they seem to lessen? Now I can start my day. |
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| so i cried over my phone. |
[Dec. 6th, 2005|08:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Random | ] |
So my phone broke today and I became very frustrated. Actually I cried. But I know it wasn't just because of my silly phone (will never ever get a Samsung again) and it has more to do with how stressed I am. Seriously, I'm curious as to why it has to be this hard, there's got to be a way around getting to the point of tears. But planning ahead just doesn't always work, even when I have the motivation to do it. Felt good to cry though. I've got to figure out how to work around this, it's rediculous when you think about it.
And it's off to a staff meeting. |
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| hello there... |
[Dec. 5th, 2005|09:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | refreshed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Rent Soundtrack | ] |
Okay so I've been on LJ for the past hour or so researching for my paper due this Thursday in Gender and Sexualities. I cannot believe myself. I am so hypocritical...here I am saying I love to write so much, yet I've had successfully avoided posting in FOREVER. I love the feeling I get after I write an entry. And I love reading people's journals who write every day. This has got to change. I apologize to all of you who have me on your friends list and haven't heard a peep out of me.
I've been making excuses but for what reason I do not know why. I feel like I get like this, avoiding the words, when there's something back there that I don't want to think about...let alone anounce to the public on LJ. So hmmm...hello? Who's there? Come out please...I know you will once my finals are over and I have more time to breathe. Maybe this entry is just because I was inspired by Greta's procrastination and powerful entry...the words come when I should be working on another paper. Gotta love it.
4 more days til this week, and I will have survived. Surpringly, considering all I have to do this week I'm staying relatively positive and upbeat. I'm actually surprising myself. Break is so going to be wonderful and inspiring. I've already concluded that I'll either be found curled up with a good book or out with friends. Enjoying this time in my life although it is challenging. I just wish that I had more time to myself to nurse my creativity because it's fighting with me to get out. Trying to fit my abstract words into educational papers doesn't always work...I've tried.
I love when I'm all jumbled and the words come before I can even absorb them. That's when I've written my best material...it's always how it goes. It's like the soul speaks right to your hands without passing through your mind first.
Ahh feeling so much better now that I got that all out. |
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| Pay it Forward (Part II). |
[Nov. 8th, 2005|02:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Silence - Homer | ] |
I think I finally have the sister I've always wanted. My Princess has been like my little sis for the past few weeks now, and I look forward to seeing her when I go home. Now I just wish she was feeling better.
It's funny how life works. You wake up one morning, someone needs a home because they have no where to go and no money in their pocket. Luckily, she came to our door. Being friends with John and Jessica helped, but she's home. So many people helped my mother out when she needed it most, now she's getting her chance to pay it forward.
That's how it works you know...you don't pay someone back. When someone does something that saves your life, rescues you from severe heartache, believe it when they tell you they weren't expecting anything in return. That's not how it works. You never know, but someday, somehow, you will get the opportunity to save another life, to restore happiness to a person's soul. You pay it forward. It's impossible to predict how this opportunity will arise or when, but it will. The universe works in mysterious ways, it always has. Nothing is ever out of balance. Remember that the next time you are so grateful to have someone in your life that you feel guilty for all they do for you. You'll get the chance to forward the favor when the cards say it's time.
P.S. Watch the movie. It's extreme. |
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| birthdays. |
[Oct. 25th, 2005|02:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Silence - Homer | ] |
Signing up for classes at UConn is extrememly frustrating...none of the classes offered at the right time, right semester, right professor. Ugh...don't they know they're supposed to cater to MY needs?? Come on now.
Plans for the weekend are in full swing. Details spoken last night with James, and hotel is booked for Saturday night. I told myself I'm not going to feel guilty for splurging on a hotel in Hartford. I only turn 21 once! Oh and my costume will hopefully be a hit. It's kinda contradictory considering I'll be wearing what I am on one of the craziest weekends of my life. Good times. If ya wanna find out what it is...come find me.
Looking forward to enjoying time spent with friends and family. Birthday week is in full swing at the house and lucky for me I've managed to make time to head home a few nights this week. Had an amazing time out for Momma's B-day Sunday, only to laugh the entire time at the crazy conversations that my family (and extended) seems to have at restaurants. It somehow always involves sex. Why is that?
Tomorrow's John's day and we're headin' out to dinner again. Wondering what conversations are in store for that meal.
Tata for now, class it is. Tryin' to stay dry in this monsoon although mother nature likes us wet.
Oh and Happy Birthday to Marissa. Love you girl, can't wait to see you Friday so we can let the festivities begin. |
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| did someone say mind sex? |
[Oct. 17th, 2005|01:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Christina Aguilera - A Voice Within | ] |
(Greta, you are the inspirtation for this entry.)
Can we be emotionally stimulated just like we can sexually? Is there really such a thing as mind sex? And can we have mind sex with anyone? Should it not be called "mind sex"?
I've noticed that I have people in my life that I can truly have deep, intellectually stimulating conversations with. Then there are others that I laugh with, go out with, let it all loose with. But do I have the right balance? Too much intellectual stimulation can be overwhelming at times. And too little can leave you feeling empty. So where do you find a balance? Sometimes I don't really want to think, I just want to be silly and on the surface. Yet at times I dive deep, pulling another under with me.
What's challenging is when you're with another who is not stimulating at a time when you really need it. When you need to be heard, to be understood on a level that's sometimes hard to reach. Some days it's a challenge to be patient with individuals who don't see the world in the same light I do. Who don't understand the critical eyes I use to view it. So what do we do when this happens? Walk away from this friend of ours that we care about towards someone more stimulating?
I feel we gravitate towards others in the same frame of mind as us depending on our current mood. It's not that we ignore certain people when their attitudes don't match ours, it's just that we make a greater effort to speak with those that do. I guess this can be when conflict arises in relationships too - when two people are not on the same emotional and intellectual level and one pulls away or is misunderstood.
I've learned to bridge the differences between myself and friends that don't think the same as I do. I've accepted those in my life for who they are, and I cherish their personalities for exactly what they are - their personalities. We can learn something from everyone. If we choose distance we may miss out on something that we never expected to learn. And another thing - when you're intellectual level is slightly higher than another, there is always something you can teach that person. Who knows, within time, the balance scales could tip and that person may end up teaching you more. It is a balancing act, but sometimes it doesn't happen all at one time. It could be a period of years, a lifetime, before we can recognize the power of another's mind.
There are those that stimulate us more than others. But stimulation can occur almost anywhere as long as we are open to it. Have lots of mind sex - it's good for the soul. Keep yourself open and accepting and you'll learn all you'll ever need to know. |
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| The Boo-day Bash |
[Oct. 13th, 2005|10:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
Ok so it's official. James is the best friend a girl could ask for. Marissa and I get to throw ourselves a b-day bash Friday the 28th. I think we're gonna call it the "Boo-day Bash". Excellent.
Looking forward to the weekend to come. Girl this is gonna be great. Who's in? |
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| what's wrong with this picture? |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|09:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | thoughtful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Silence - Homer | ] |
This whole month is jam packed with papers, midterms, etc. I will survive, and I am so thankful they are spread out! And then bam all of a sudden I will be 21 on the 29th. Time will fly.
I spent my weekend studying for the most part and it paid off. Breezed through my 9am exam today with left over time to stop and write. Anxious to get my computer back, that's for sure. It is funny how we come to depend so much on technology these days...I feel lost without AIM and the ability to check away messages. It's like I have no idea what everyone is up too. Not to mention, I have got to start figuring out plans for the big weekend!
Seriously, there has got to be a better system for fixing computers. One to two weeks?? Come on! Granted I can come to the library whenever I would like, it can be very inconvienent considering I'm so used to checking my email first thing when I wake up. But come to think about it...computers didn't really have a big presence in our culture when my father was in school. I remember as a kid I used to use the old school IBM we had to fool around and type up random word documents. It would type everything in a skinny column right in the middle of the page. I think I typed a whole Silverstein book just for the hell of it. Damn that was a while ago.
Now I feel like we spend years of our lives on the internet. I guarantee that someday a study will be done, if it hasn't been done already, that looks at home much time in years we actually spend on the web during our lifetimes. Just like we spend about a third of our lives sleeping (or trying to, Jessica didn't sleep well last night!), I bet we spend about an eighth of them on the web. Or more, has to be more than that.
It is hard to imagine life before cell phones, email, and AIM. We've been so dependent on it for years. Remember those days when we had to call house phones to reach someone? And then pagers came out and we thought those were huge. Oh yea and the portable phones. Those were such a big deal when they hit the market! Now we're into cell phones as thin as razors and televisions that hang on the wall like a painting.
But the big question I have is this: Why are we so busy creating new toys when we could be focusing more of our attention and money on a cure for cancer or a solution to the violence that exists in our culture. I know that the internet has opened doors to more advanced ways of educating, but seriously sometimes I wonder about the violent video games and picture thin TVs. What is wrong with this picture? |
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| Quickie. |
[Oct. 3rd, 2005|08:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Silence - CUE | ] |
I've got no internet because I have the AIM virus on my computer. Grrr! Anyway, amazing crazy weekend...and big B-day party plans beginning. Looking forward to the end of the month! 21 in 26 days. Woohoo!
Anyway, off to class and wishing my own computer wasn't so fucked up. |
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